Thursday, March 20, 2014
1019 words | read time 3 min, 43 sec
Hi. Editor here, and today we will begin reviewing the perennial favorite that we all love to hate, guiltily indulge, or just hate: Stephanie Meyer's Twilight.
I'm original, I know~.
So, before we begin, a bit of background on the classic tale and my history with it:
My Personal Drop
I first heard about this story in 2008 --when the movie was still in production-- and Twilight Fever was taking the US by storm.
There was one copy of the book in my house, and it made the rounds through every female relative I had (and one uncle) before I'd even had a chance to glance at the cover.
Half my class, including a slew of the boys, was obsessed with the book; we were in sixth grade.
My uncle rushed to get Breaking Dawn as soon as it hit shelves.
I, naively, fell in love with Edward based only on how others talked about him.
I watched the movie (on DVD) before reading the book and was captivated.
It was another year or two before I actually read the novel.
I liked it. I'll admit it: I really enjoyed the movie and books, and was captivated.
Eventually, I became self-aware.
I still like the books, though (it's in my guilty-pleasure category) and I mourn the series' lost potential.
The Meta Drop
Released in 2005, the story allegedly takes place in the same year~ish (there's calendar errors, if memory recalls correctly).
Meyer had a \horny\ dream back in 2003 and this monster was the result (specifically Chapter Thirteen: Confessions).
Edward is named after --and based off of-- Edward Rochester (which becomes all too ironic) and Bella is named after Stephanie's would-be daughter.
Stephanie Meyer is Mormon --I'm not making a joke: this is a fact-- and I'm only really making note of it here because I'll probably reference multiple times over the course of our reviewing endeavor.
Meyer never intended to publish this monster; that was her sister's doing after Meyer gifted it to her for her birthday.
Fourteen out of fifteen literary agents denied the manuscript; the fifteenth was a fluke where a secretary accepted it without realizing that it was double the accepted word count for YA.
Originally titled Forks, the publishers renamed the book.
Twilight was published on October 5, 2005, and garnered lukewarm reviews.
And now, we begin.
Dedication
For my big sister, Emily, without whose enthusiasm this story might still be unfinished.
So, if we didn't know who to blame before, we do now.
For some reason, Smeyer felt the need to back the cover image up with a bible quote:
“But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shall surely die.”
-Genesis 2:17
...okay? *side-eye*
In most books, an opening quote like this underlines and introduces the narrative's central theme. This one... does not.
A quote like this tells us that we are in for a religious book about battling temptation and the inner conflicts of right and wrong, good and evil. This is not that story.
Twilight is the story of an Average American Girl tm discovering co-dependency and off-brand Mormonism, as told through a classic gothic lens.
Also, there's so much wasted potential for a good horror here... I digress.
The Prologue, entitled, "Preface", is not a preface.
an introduction to a book, especially one that explains the author’s aims
-Oxford dictionary definition of a "preface".
a separate introductory section of a literary or musical work.
-Oxford dictionary definition of a prologue.
While a prologue and preface are rather similar, they are objectively different. But, let's move on.
I'd never given much thought to how I would die — though I'd had reason enough in the last few months — but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this.
I stared [--] without breathing [--] across the long room, into the dark eyes of the hunter, and he looked pleasantly back at me.
Surely it was a good way to die, in the place of someone else, someone I loved. Noble, even. That ought to count for something.
I knew that if I'd never gone to Forks, I wouldn't be facing death now. But, terrified as I was, I couldn't bring myself to regret the decision. When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.
The hunter smiled in a friendly way as he sauntered forward to kill me.
That's it. That's the prologue. An entire sheet of paper was wasted so that Smeyer could attempt forge some tension.
Lemme tell you, "pleasantly" and "friendly" are not words commonly associated with danger --and if you're trying for that, you don't have the main character of a first person perspective story narrative their impending demise so casually, and so... self-aggrandizing in a melancholic manner. whoops~.
There's no stress between a "friendly" hunter and his content, willing prey; there's more tension between BDSM partners making a game of things.
Also, for some reason, Meyer is attempting to keep James' identity secret because... why? Who knows? Maybe to imply it's Edward? *shrug*
Anybody want a quick rewrite?
I never wanted to die, and with the vampire before me, there was no other way.
The only exit in this long room is across from me --behind the him. I'll never get there in time.
I looked around for something --anything-- that I could use to fight with. Hundreds of my own reflections looked back at me frantically.
Please... I prayed, someone help me.
The vampire inhaled deeply --taking in the stench of my fear-- and smiled.
I was trapped, and the game was up.
As he approached, I inhaled deep and closed my eyes for the last time.
A very weak end, I know. First drafts, amirite~? But, hey! it still has more tension already than what she wrote.
And with that, I conclude this session.
Join me again next time as we review "Chapter One: First Sight"
-Editor
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